Mid-week thoughts....yeah, ok, another one

I think I am having a  little pity party today.  I hate  that I am feeling self-absorbed, but frankly, for some reason,  I am apprehensive about MY future.  You might say, "Duh, no kidding", but the reality of being ME isn't so swell.  I was reflecting today about saying to Brad about 20 years ago, "Hey, just so you know, if YOU ever get Alzheimer's like your Dad, I'm not sticking around to be a caretaker like your Mom is doing. I'm not giving up MY life to take care of you, so you should be advised...."  Now, here I am, August 7, 2013. How ironic!  I am the caretaker for not ONE, but TWO people.  Here's a sampling of my dinner conversation:
Gramma, "You worked a long day today, didn't you Brad?  Well, Happy Birthday!"
Brad, "Mom, my birthday isn't til tomorrow"
Gramma, (Loudly) "WHAT?  Isn't this the 8th?" "I get my days mixed up".  "Well, you made it to 63."  "I wish I was that age again.  I've accomplished a lot since I was that age."
Silence.....
Me, "So where did you work today and what did you have for lunch?"  (This is standard dinner conversation). 
Brad, "I worked in Ft Collins (yay! he remembered the name of the town) and we ate at that one place that we really like"
Me, "The Mexican restaurant?".
Brad, "yes".
Gramma, "Maxine called today.  She still isn't feeling well. She needs me to host bridge for her next time.  Margaret called too.  Her husband's son got a lot of storm damage.  Edie called.  She can't pick me up for bridge Friday because her husband is sick from the chemo he got.  The doctor gave him too much. Today he got a smaller dose and is feeling better.  I had 2 calls from people wanting to fix my house after the storm.  I politely told them I didn't have any damage."
Silence....
Brad, "Curt says he is applying for an electrical position at CSU".
Silence..(Me, thinking "Wow, what if that happens?  Where does that leave us?  And, on the other hand, happy that he is thinking about his future and how to make it work alone."
Silence....
I hand Brad a birthday card that the Taylors sent today.  He reads it (painfully slowly) and tears up.  It's a very sweet and sentimental card.
Gramma, "(reading the card) announces, "Oh and look, you got some credit cards with it".  (Tries to, but can't pronounce where the gift cards will be used).
Me, "Carrie and Corbin are going to California Friday".
Brad (distressed) "Why?"
Me.  Explanation about how they had airline tickets to California at Thanksgiving last year, but cancelled because of his brain surgery. "Now do you understand?"
Brad. "No, I don't get it".
Gramma, " I think I know why I'm losing so much weight.  When Dad was alive, he had sausage and eggs and pumpkin pie every night for dinner.  I got tired of it, so I had sandwiches.  Now I'm eating lots of fruits and vegetables and I never ate those before, so I think that's why I'm losing weight."
Silence....
Gramma, "well, see you in the morning and thanks for the dinner".
Now, I'm on my 3rd glass of wine, Brad is asleep in his chair and Gramma has her TV volume cranked up to the max.
Good times!